Me. At least after what I've been through.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize