this just has baby written all over it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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