Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
