My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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