the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
