I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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