in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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