If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
