im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
