Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
