Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
