Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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