what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
