I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
