I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
