everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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