those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
