Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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