If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
