Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
