hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
