just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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