i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
