if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
