I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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