We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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