I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize