so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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