The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
