the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
