i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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