my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
