I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
