): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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