i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
