yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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