It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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