If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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