A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
