I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
