We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
