hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
