So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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