I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
