Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
