she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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