The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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