I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
