If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
These tits shall not be calmed
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