can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
