I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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