did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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