so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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