I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
