My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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