Moan for me like Helen Keller
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
