Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
