I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
