I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
