Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
