the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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