He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
