well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
try to milk me bitch
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