meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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