Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
