Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
