There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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