Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
