Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize